Putting One's Life on Hold

I did that once. Putting my life on hold. And my mind was consistently in a state of confusion. Each time i bought something it made me feel guilty and also worried.

I put my life on hold for 5 years. The 5 years which I couldn't decide whether I will move to another country or not. Thinking back I think I was so foolish. If it was something i really wanted, I would have move in a heart beat but I didn't. I consistently weigh what I should do.

Now I realized, those precious moments are lost forever. Lost opportunities, lost potential partners... I cannot bring back those moments nor can I reclaim the lost times.

But I have now learn to live to my best. If i wanted something, and I know I am able to afford it after thinking whether I need it.. or once a while indulging myself with something expensive, I would. Maybe that's one other thing that has made me look happier. But those are temporary happiness as my priest would say. I have also been trying to save as much as I can. Also in away avoiding assholes that keep putting me down. Little by little... i think I am beginning to live in the moment.

Also I want to live now in the moment and not think about what will happen tomorrow. Who knows maybe I might drop dead tomorrow, or u know... future is so uncertain....

Yes, I do still think about having children, getting married. which I know may never materialize in my life time. But I still have hope.

But I have learnt to not live in the past nor... regret the 5 years which I placed my life on hold.
Not even sure if anyone understood what I just wrote hahaha